The Beginnings of Insanity
by Victoria Anne Manning
Summary: Just your average crazy man telling someone about his insanity. JTHM.


I don't own Johnny C. Jhonen does. I personally don't know what he would think of this… But whatever. I do, however, own Aimee, and Lee. Have fun with this. I took the idea that Jhonen kinda hints at that Johnny did something with the girl that gave him Meat… Read the 7th issue… You'll understand. 

Rum

"From what I remember, and from what I gather from my Diaries from my earlier years, I was a good kid. Smart, healthy, not so diseased back then as I am now. So where did life take a wrong turn? I don't know. Somewhere towards the end, I am pretty sure of that much.

I grew up here. I don't know where here is, exactly. I don't really think anyone knows, really. We all just… exist here. Even I do, even though I wish I had all the right answers to all the wrong questions.

I didn't grow up in the house you see me living in now. I don't remember how I came to have this house. If I remember something, it comes later in the story, I want this in chronological order. Though I am pretty sure it had to do with a girl.

I was born a long time ago. I don't really know my age. I don't really know my date of birth. That shows you how much I really care about myself. If I had to guess, I would say I am well past 21. Heh. I went to school. I remember dropping out at the end of Junior year. It was all such bullshit to me, I didn't need their nagging anymore. So I left.

It was around that same time that I left my parents also. One too many fights, drunken rages, late nights. It was all too much for me. I had tried to live with them, for nearly seventeen years. It just hadn't worked out. So, one day, I packed a black backpack full of my pants and shirts, and a few books and some art supplies, and I headed out the door. I am pretty sure they drank themselves to death. If I drank, I would raise my glass, and toast their selfishness.

But, from way before those problems ever arose…

My father was smart. My mother… she was smart also. We lived in a small house, not far from the one everyone associates me with now. It wasn't your normal house - no fence, not a nice lawn… crappy curtains. We weren't wealthy. We didn't have much money. But we lived. We ate food, we watched movies an awful lot of the time, and we went places.

When I was a small child, around the age of five, I saw an alien. Well, maybe not a real alien, but I could have sworn he was real. And I could have sworn that he abducted me into his spaceship. Everyone said I was dreaming. I know I wasn't. It was too real… To… material to be a dream.

When I started school, I started a diary. (I was writing good sentences well before preschool). I had a well formed mind. I would come home to my little black book, and write about how crappy my day was. No one noticed me. But still, I was the good kid in the class. I helped the hurt, shy ones. I helped the animals that got beaten on by the bullies in the school yard.

When elementary school came around, my writing style got better. Considerably better. My artwork got better also. And I started having nightmares. So, naturally, as an artist, I started painting and drawing my nightmares. But I was still the good kid. I was also one of the smartest kids in my grade… which didn't really make me THAT popular. Heh. Wonder why…

Junior high rolled around… My father started to pick up the bottle. My mother told him to stop. He said that he had nothing to live for. That his life was shot. After getting fired from the law firm he had worked for since he was eighteen, he had nothing worth living for in his life. I looked at him with my fourteen year old eyes, and I just stared. I didn't know the man before me. He had changed over night to something that I would grow to completely and utterly LOATHE!

Then I come home from my first day of Freshman year at High school - they forgot to pick me up. My mother is shooting something into her arm on the living room sofa, and my father is sitting at the kitchen table, reading a porn magazine, drinking a bottle of Heineken. I just walked casually to my room and slammed the door quickly before anyone saw me. I truly thought, at that moment in time - and still think now - that on that day, they forgot about me.

The next morning, I woke up, and they were sprawled over each other naked on the couch drooling on one another.

'Bye, assholes.' I said. My father groaned out something that sounded like:

'Look at the pretty flying mongoose…'

And I walked out the door. I didn't want to go back. So I didn't. At least, not for a few days. I lived at my school. In the courtyard. On one of those random concrete benches that those kids skate on in the morning. Yah… I slept on one of those.

After about three or four days of no food, no bathing, and nothing else - the only company being the kind I got from the morning crowd at school, I got fed up, and went home.

They hadn't even noticed I was gone.

Mother had sort of shaped up. Changed drugs. She was smoking and snorting now. Done with the needles. I was done with the scene. But I had to wait. I was only fifteen. I remembered the past week, and I knew I couldn't make it, not on my own, not without some help, from someone. And I knew no one out there, in the Nowhere of a place that I lived, would help me. So I buckled down, and spent most of my time in my room, hardly ever going to school. It was a miracle that I passed Freshman and Sophomore year.

Speaking of Sophomore year… I bet you are DYING to know about why I hate physical contact SOOOOO much.

One of the rare days I went to school. It was a Tuesday. February 3rd. Funny how I remember stupid shit like that.

I was walking down one of the longest halls on campus, and then, without my knowledge to the event about to occur, a locker door slams into my face. GASP! I fall back on my ass, holding my nose. After about a second of touching the dirty - and boy, do I mean DIRTY - floor, I stand up and shout, at the top of my lungs:

'I AM ALRIGHT! THE METAL DOOR OF DOOM DID ME NO HARM!' Of course, the hall was empty, save for one girl, who was standing right in front of me.

I don't dye my hair. It is midnight blue. It, in most light, looks like it has crushed sapphires in it. Yeah. Wow. Aren't I the descriptive little fuck today!

But she… No… she had hair the colour of wine… And eyes to match her hair. She was pale - not like other pale kids I saw around. And she was skinny, like me. Frail. I was tanned. Dark. But not too dark… Medium rare. Just dark enough to where, when you don't go outside for ten years, you become this sickly yellow colour.

She looked at me with her wine coloured eyes, and she smiled. One of the first smiles I ever got in high school. And it was the last. Last smile that I ever got in high school, that is.

'Umm.. Excuse me… Uhh… You're bleeding on my admissions papers.' She said. I looked down, and I saw some of my nose blood trickling down onto the white papers that she held, not out for me, just out, away from her body, like they were some diseased thing.

'Oh, fuck… Sorry.' I said. She smiled.

'You need some attention to that nose of yours. I am heading towards the office… You want to come with?'

'They wont do anything for me there… Trust me. They don't give a rats ass about anyone but themselves.' I answered. She gave me a funny smile.

'Alright.' She stopped. 'You're the first person that I saw.' And she began to walk off. It was kind of an odd first conversation, but it was a damn good start.

I saw her countless times after that during school. She was always alone. I don't know why it took me three months to get enough courage to eat lunch with her for one hour. But in that hour… we talked about so much.

'Hello.' I said, as I set down my lunch across from her. She looked up from the table and smiled at me.

'Why, hello stranger.' She giggled out. A flutter in my stomach. An odd feeling, but since it was lunch, I didn't really pay much mind to it.

'May I eat lunch with you?'

'Sure.' She answered.

'So, how have your first few months here been?' I asked. She shook her head gently, and sighed.

'Shitty. Horrid. The people here are so self centred. Like those bitches over there, with the flippy blond hair. Someone should shank them so they don't bother the people who actually think.' She said. I just stared at her as she spoke. I listened, but her words were so interesting that I dove right into them. I understood them, because I felt the same way. Though, I actually WANTED to do the killing, to get the satisfaction of knowing that the job was done correctly. 'By the by, my name is Lee.'

'Hello Lee… My name is Johnny.' She smiled. I smiled. We ate our lunches. And smiled.

The bell rang. We both had Algebra II.

From that day on, I went to school every day, just to see her. Even though I didn't know that she would be there every day, I still went, on the off chance that she would be there.

I found out that she lived on my street. Across the street, a few houses down from me. I smiled. She smiled. We both nodded.

That night, we snuck out, and went to the 24/7 down the street on the corner, and got Brain-freezies. We went to the park that had all the graffiti on the play things. We walked along the forest paths, where no one went anymore, because they were to busy with their busy busyness to pay any attention to the finer things in life - like nature.

We sat on a large rock on a cliff that overlooked the city - it would soon be turned into an actual out look point where you can park your car, if you are brave enough to find the way through the forest. And we were close. The closest I had ever been to a female, save my mother. And maybe a few nurses. And the rest of my family. Our hands found one another's, fingers laced between fingers… Heads turned, eyes locked.

And we kissed. It was long, passionate. Our lips locked. I had never kissed anyone before, not like this. It was magical. Wonderful, beautiful. I loved it. I loved her. I had found happiness in a world that I was slowly beginning to loathe entirely. My hands found her shirt, hers found mine, and we fumbled clumsily trying to warm ourselves in each others aura's. FUCK! I AM BEING SO FUCKING POETIC! MAKE THE ANGSTYNESS STOP ALREADY!

Then I heard something. It sounded like a voice.

…Stop what you are doing, you sick freak. Stop while you are ahead of yourself, the game, and what you are getting yourself into. She is a pawn in our game. I am trying to save you…

I pulled away from her. She looked at me.

'Are you alright?' She asked. Genuine concern, nothing fake there.

'No. I am not.' I answered. Was I going insane? Did the happiness make me insane? Did the quick shift from complete and utter hatred to HAPPY-HAPPY-JOY-JOY madness cause me to go insane? - nah… never. Could it have?

…Oh, it very well could have. What my friend here is trying to say, is that your little girlie there is a fine specimen for a new experiment we are going to try. You, Johnny boy, are our scientist, she, is our lab-rat…

'NO!' I screamed. Lee stood from the rock, and stared at me with wide, wine coloured eyes.

'Johnny! Johnny, come back, come back to reality Johnny. Snap back.' She kept saying. I was there. I was there, godamnit, but I couldn't speak, I couldn't tell her that I was there, to get away, that I was going crazy, that I wanted her to run home, and wait to see me in school the next day. My body just sat there on the rock, motionless, soulless, lifeless, for as long as I can remember. She left, eventually, after kissing me goodbye, crying, kissing me again, and holding my hand. She even tried to drag me with her once in those wee hours of the morning. Dawn was approaching. I wanted her to get home. I probably wouldn't make it to school on time. I might not even make it home.

Around noon that day, I gained consciousness. She was there, sitting on the ground, with a picnic basket and a sandwich out.

'I couldn't wait.' She said. She handed me a sandwich, and a Brain-freezy, and I smiled at her.

'Thanks…'

'No prob.' She stood and walked to the rock where I was sitting, cross legged.

She was wearing a black turtleneck dress. She looked cute. I never say anything's cute. She will always remain - on that day - cute. But seriously… I don't say things are cute often.

'Listen… I am sorry about last night. I don't know what happened. Something in my brain just… snapped. I have never been that close with anyone before, and so… It kind of… made me crazy for a while.' I said. She looked at me. No like I was a freak or weird. But like she understood. Actually understood what I was talking about, like she was like me. I looked at her, and I smiled deeply. A real smile.

…You know.. She would be good strapped to a wall, with knives protruding from her arms and legs…

…Shut up. I don't know who the fuck you are, but I already know that I don't really like you…

…of course you don't like me, you don't like yourself!…

…What do you mean?…

…Just shut up and enjoy her and your food…

'Thanks again for this.' I told her. I continued: 'I wonder what happened last night… What made me sit so motionless here on this rock. Shock maybe?' I said, mainly talking to myself, but she seemed to hear.

'Well… Yes. The shock of something new and different, possibly exciting. Strangeness in a situation, something that you have never encountered before… It can, and most likely will, induce shock in the person who has never been in that situation before…'

'So… You have been in that situation before… You have… touched someone like that before? Kissed them? Held them at night under the stars?' I asked. She looked at me for a moment, then blushed.

'In ways, yes. I didn't enjoy it, though. It wasn't as special as what we had last night, or what may come in the future. It was forced; not wanted on my part. He raped me.' She said. I was shocked.

'Who?'

'My father.' She looked away, blushing profusely now. She was crying. I stepped from the rock, and kneeled in front of her, my hand held out.

'Lets walk.' She grabbed my outstretched hand, and we walked away from our little picnic, and away from our little spot.

We just… walked. For hours. The whole city was our park. We rode the subway for hours after walking. We sat at many different café's until they, each and every one of them, kicked us out, one after the other. We didn't go home for a few days. We didn't sleep at all during that time. We lay in the middle of deserted streets at three in the morning, staring up at the few stars twinkling in the sky. I told her about the aliens when I was a boy. She told me about her mother and Witchcraft. I told her about my parents new found addictions to drugs. She told me about the rape that her father had brought upon her. We shared one another's pain, happiness, and hatred.

Then, on the third night of not sleeping, not going home, and for me, not eating, she took my face in her fingers, and laughed at me. Not a mean laugh, just a little giggle.

'Lets go home.'

'We don't live together.' I corrected her. She dropped her hands in a defeated sort of way, and smiled up at me.

'You're right!' She grabbed my hand, and started to run down the street, towards the city. 'I know… A street… A few blocks… away from here… where there is a house… that no one lives in… and we can live there… when we cant deal with our… parents and their shit… anymore…' She panted as we ran, hand in hand, down the many alleys and streets, until she stopped in front of an old, run down, abandoned house. Its windows were boarded up. The number, in the dark, by the door, read 777. I looked at the house, and I knew that that was home. It was my home. It was like it had been made for me, just me. It was standing, like something, maybe a gift from God.

She tried the door. It was open. We walked in. Nothing in the front room. We went around the house. Nothing in any of the rooms.

'Go check the basement.' She told me. I went to the door. I tried the knob. Locked.

'It's locked.'

'Damn.'

'I can get a key made later, don't worry.' I said, as I went back to the wall by the door, and slumped to the floor, hands cradling my knees to my chest. Home. I couldn't believe that I felt like I was at home somewhere that I had only been in that one time. My eyes scanned the room damn good memory when I want to have one, huh! and it was pretty damn dingy. But that was what made it home. My oversized white t-shirt and tight black pants looked very clean next to the dirt stained wall behind me. Lee stood in front of me, looking down.

'Like it?' I nodded. She smiled. She sat. Our hands met in mid air. Then our bodies meshed together in a clumsy heap of limbs and clothes. We never were the picture of grace when it came to touching one another in any way, except maybe holding hands, and also hugging.

I was a lot more… Romantic back then, and so, when I think of those times, I tend to think like I did back then… Just one of my many little quirks.

The whole vision of what happened then was frightening. I didn't understand. Well, I did. I understood full well that she wanted a bed. That she wanted warmth, her warmth, a place that she knew well. Her room.

We walked back to our street, and down to her house. All the lights were out, no cars in the drive, or parked near the house.

'My mother probably had a meeting tonight… My dad… Probably out… with his friends.' He was a hard subject with her. I held her hand tight in mine. We walked around the house to her window, and she lifted it up.

'Climb in.' She whispered. I did. She climbed in after me. Her room was dark. Her bed was white, walls white, and her vanity white. But everything else was dark. Her carpet was black, her clothes all dark. Her bed-frame black.

She sat down on her bed, fiddling with her fingers. We had been wearing the same thing for three days, so our clothes were so dirty that filth was caking off. She stood.

'I am going to… take a shower.' She said. She walked to the door, then turned. 'If you want… My parents have a shower in their room… you can take one in there. Here… Strip.' She walked to me, and began to take my shirt off. I almost struggled to get away. 'Help me with this, alright?'

'Al…right' I stuttered. I slid out of the slimy shirt, and then out of the pants. I stood there, slightly skinnier than I was when I first met Lee.

'I think my dad still has some of my brothers packages of boxers he didn't take with him to collage. You can wear one of those…' She kissed me on the lips, sliding her arms around my thin waist. For some reason, the shock value of the kiss was high. I didn't understand at that moment. I didn't understand anything. She led me to the shower in her parents room. She turned on the water, and closed the door after she left. I stood there, watching the water fall, for at least ten minutes. Finally, I stepped out of my dark red boxers and into the scolding hot water. Not ten more minutes passed, when I heard a knock at the door. I was scared that one of her parents were back. But I heard her voice.

'Can I come in for a moment? I have your boxers. Your clothes are in the washer with mine right now… they are almost done… then an hour for them to dry, and we should be clothed…' She opened the door, and put the boxers on the sink. I was holding the curtain back so I could peek my head out, and see her. She had a towel wrapped around her body, and water dripped from her still quite wet skin. I felt my hot face turn hotter. She left. I turned away from the door, and turned the water to cold. It was so cold, that I shivered for another twenty minutes. I turned the water off, and stepped out of the shower, cold, and dripping. I dried off.

There was a mirror over the sink. I wiped the condensation from the glass, and stared at me face in the foggy air. Sickly yellow skin, crazy smile. My eyes looked crazy.

I put the boxers on, and smiled at the reflection in the mirror. I stepped out of the bathroom, and into the hall, then into her room quickly. There she sat, on her bed, in her new clothes. A pair of black pants and a black t-shirt. She was brushing her hair.

'I have something for you.' She handed me a figurine of a Bub's Burger Boy. It said MEAT on it. I smiled. 'You should make it the first thing you put in our new house, Johnny.'

'Yeah… That would be nice.' I sat down next to her, and looked at the fat figurine. It stared back at me. Its smile, at first a really, oddly adorable fat smile, in some way changed slightly into a demonic smirk for a quick moment, than back into that adorable smile. I looked at it wide eyed.

'Are you okay?'

'Sure…' I answered. She slid her arms around my shoulders, and brought my body down onto hers. She looked into my eyes, and smiled slightly. 'Hello there.' I said, awkwardly.

'Hi.' She said back. She placed her lips on mine, and we started rolling all over her bed; this shocked me. Her dress came off; I was doubly shocked by that.

There are some things that should never be remembered. And what I remember happening next is one of the tings that I would rather not remember. You can guess what happened. Go on, guess. I dare you.

We lay on her bed, staring at the ceiling, the one single light in her room on. Both our breaths were strained, laboured. It was nice to hear her breath like that. It was nice to know that I had done something… good… nice for someone else.

'That was… amazing.' She whispered. She took a deep breath. She turned her gaze to me. 'What did you think?'

'I am… pleasantly… shocked…' I said between quick breaths. 'Lets go for a walk.'

'I think your clothes are done now anyways.' She said, and stood up. She put everything back on, and headed out of her room. She was back in a few minutes with a cold bundle of clothes in her arms. She gave them to me, and smiled. I dressed quickly, and grabbed her hand.

'Lets go.'

We staid together for three years. Best friends, lovers… confidents… you name it…

Then I lost it one night. It was another night that I would rather not remember, but since I spared you the savoury details of the intimacy, I'll give you this night:

We were sitting on the really old couch that we had pulled from the garbage from an old department store a few weeks after we found the house.

She was holding my hand, and telling me about a dream she had had a few nights ago. It had really scared her.

'There was this thing behind the wall. And blood. And little figurines of the Pillsbury Doughboys, only really fucked up looking. And there you were, with a knife, all bloody…' She told me. She was really scared. She turned away from me, and stood from the couch. She paced before me.

'Who did I kill?' I asked.

'Me.' She said.

'Oh…'

'Yeah…' She looked away, and sat on the floor in front of me. I was afraid of her dream. It sounded a lot like how I had been feeling for the past few months. Every once in a while I had thought of pulling a knife on her. According to her, I didn't have knife, but I still thought about doing it.

'Please, Johnny… Tell me you wont ever do that.' She said. She looked at me with sullen eyes. Eyes tired from lack of sleep.

'I…' I couldn't guarantee anything. The way I was going, I couldn't even guarantee that I was going to be living within the next 24 hours. 'I am… sure.' I lied. She smiled. She believed me. Or at least… she acted like she believed me.

…You cant run from it forever, Nny. And you know you cant…

…I can run from it for as long as I can; maybe not forever, but maybe long enough to get her away from me…

…You sicken me, Nny. You sicken me more than anything, or anyone, ever has…

…Go fuck yourself…

…Have it your way…

The conversations I have had with those two… Well… You can imagine. Not all to pleasant, really…

She looked at me. I looked at her. We both looked away.

'What's down stairs?' She asked. I looked back at her, a little shocked.

'What?' I asked.

'Downstairs. What's downstairs?' She asked again. I looked at her.

'Nothing.' I said. She stood and walked back to the couch, and sat down, grabbed my face in her hands.

'Three years, Johnny.' She whispered. 'Three fucking years. In those three years, you haven't hidden anything from me. Why now? Why this? Is it that bad?' She asked. I looked at her. She was right. I didn't keep things from her. I didn't lie to her. She knew everything about me. But this… this was sickening. This wasn't something I wanted the person I 'loved' to see… or to even know about.

'I hear screams at night, Johnny.' She said. I looked at her. 'You stopped going to school last year. I am getting worried.'

'Stop nagging me.' I said.

'I am not nagging you. I am just saying that I am getting a little worried.'

'You're fucking nagging me. Just… Just shut up. Shut the fuck up.' She let go of me.

'Excuse me?'

'Do you really want to know what goes on down there?' I asked. I felt suddenly… Different.

…You're changing, Nny…

…No, I am not. I cant change. Not now. Not ever…

…Fine. Don't believe us. Don't come crying to us when you don't know what to do next time you need some help…

…Don't leave…

…We wont leave. We cant leave. Not yet, at least…

…Good…

'Johnny… Are you okay?' Her voice brought me back. It brought me back through the fog of my mind. You know, when you are kind of floating there between consciousness and unconsciousness, that fog.

'Yeah…'

'Alright… Well… I am sure I want to see what is going on down there.' She said.

I had gone crazy at the beginning of my Junior year of High school. There was no stopping it. They had come in. And all of the people at my school were starting to get to me. The disgustingness of everything just got to me one day. And the voices kept talking.

I led her to the basement door, and unlocked it. I turned to her and smiled, my most evil smile. We had both changed. She wanted to be a nurse. I didn't go to school anymore.

'Well, on we go.' I grabbed her hand and led her down the stairs. There were at least one fifty stairs, if not more - probably more, I should count them… it might be fun.

She heard the screams about half way down the stairs.

'Who… are they, Johnny?'

'Nny.'

'Excuse me?' She said, stopping.

'Call me Nny.'

'Al…right?' She said, looking at me. 'And you spell that how?'

'N - n - y.' I said, and continued walking down the stairs. She ran to catch up with me. I walked to the first door when we came to the first lower level.

'Want to see the first one?'

'Not really.'

'Fine. What is it you want to see down here, then?'

'I just wanted to see what you do downstairs.'

'Than follow me.' I said. I walked quickly to the end of the hall, and opened a small door in the floor. There was a ladder that led into a small room below, where a door led to another hall. I liked that room below. It was my 'Salvation' room.

I let her go first. I climbed down behind her.

She stood, looking at the walls. My art cluttered everything. Of course, my art cluttered almost every wall of the bed room also. But I put most of my really disturbing art down there. Still do, when I can make something more than Noodle Boy.

'This way.' I walked to the door. 'There is a room that isn't being used right now.' I opened the door. She walked through it. I led her to the door to the unused room, and unlocked it. I turned on the florescent light overhead. It flickered on. There was a device in the middle of the room. I don't quite remember it very well. I haven't been in that room since then - I locked the door, and threw the key into one of the drawers of my desk.

She looked at the room, then at me, then back at the room.

'What is this used for?' She asked.

'Well, this, exactly, I don't know. But there are others like it in the lower levels. I haven't explored every level. There are others. Many more. I have only been on the highest ten. I am guessing that there are at least ten more, if not more.' I said, leaning against the wall. I was interested to know what she thought. She walked around the contraption. She stopped in front of me, and stared at me.

'Did you build this?'

'No. It came with the house. They all did.' I answered.

'Really, now.' I nodded. 'Hmm…' I nodded again. 'Alright.'

'Lets go back upstairs. This place is beginning to depress me. I'm in no mood for a depression right now. Lets go get a Brain-Freezy.' She laughed.

'Such change in mental direction, Johnny.'

'Nny.'

'Nny… Right.' She said, a little unsure.

'Heh.' I laughed at her, silently almost. I led the way, once again, and we walked out. I locked the door. We walked to the 'Salvation' room, up the ladder, through the Hall of Screams, and up the staircase that seemed to go on forever and a day. God, I really DO hate that fucking staircase.

We walked to 24/7 that was down the road a bit. It was almost two AM. We had to hurry; they turned the machine off at two back then. When we walked in, the clerk stared at us like we were thieving teens. We did look a bit young for being eighteen. We grabbed our Brain-Freezies and walked to him, paid him, and walked to the park. We both weren't in the mood to be in the house.

'You've changed… Nny…' She hesitated at my new name.

'I know… I don't know why, or how, or when…' I said, sipping my Brain-Freezy. I looked up at the cloudy sky, and sighed deeply. 'I just know that I have changed… and it's the house that has changed me.' I said under my breath.

'The house?'

'Yeah. The house. There are these things… voices… in my head, that seem to be coming from everywhere in the house. They do follow me around, but they are strongest in the house…They love to torment me about everything. One calls himself EFF. The other, D-Boy. They have full names - Mr. Fuck, and Psycho Doughboy. Funny names, I know, but it is like they are conscious beings able to think for themselves. They say they are my conscious, that they help me to think, and they are telling me to do the things I do when you are gone, because I need to do them. Because it is my destiny or some shit like that.' I said, still looking at the sky, wishing for the stars to shine through the clouds.

'What do you do when I am gone?'

'You didn't want to see, remember?' I said.

'Ah, right. So, you're just… not going to tell me, right?'

'Yup.'

'Alrighty then.' She said, taking a sip from her Brain-Freezy.

'Lets go home… I am getting, suspiciously, tired.' I said, yawning. She looked at me, eying me oddly.

'You, tired?'

'Yeah… I know. Odd.' I said, smiling slightly. I needed to do it soon, or I was really going to kill her. No real reason to kill her, but I just wanted to. A desire of mine. I seemed to have a lot of those at that time.

We walked home. We sat on the bed for at least an hour, on opposite sides, not looking at one another. Finally, I turned to her, and grabbed her shoulder. She turned, and I saw her crying.

'What is happening, Johnny?' She asked. She flopped hard on the bed, and cried into her pillow. 'What is going on with this house, with us… With you?'

'I am not sure.' I lied. I knew. I knew that the house was, somehow, evil; that I wanted to kill her for just loving me; that I was becoming more horrendously insane by the minute. I didn't say this of course, it would just make her even more depressed.

'I just want to be happy, Johnny! I just want this to be over!'

'What?'

'THIS!' She pointed at me, then at her. I was shocked.

'Us?'

'YES!' I stood from the bed.

…Now's your chance, Nny my boy. Do it. Kill her. She is killing you from the inside out. Ripping your soul apart slowly. Don't you think she deserves it now?…

…Of course not!…

…EFF, tell him to do it, he wont listen to me!…

…Oh no, you aren't bringing me into your little game here, D-Boy. Leave me out of this…

…Please, help me.. He needs to be brought around for this to work out. We need him to do this! We need him to be SOLELY OURS!…

…What are you talking about?…

…What he is talking about, Nny, is the fact that we need you. And until you fulfil what has been destined to be your, well, destiny, we will need you to do whatever it takes to paint that wall…

…What wall?…

…The one that looks like it has a demonic monster behind it…

…Oh, that wall…

…Yes, that one…

…Was that sufficient enough for you D-Boy? Please, tell me it was…

…Yes, good enough for me, for now…

'Johnny?' She said.

'Lee.' I said. I turned to her, and glared at her. I pulled a blade from my desk, and it shined in the light from the ceiling. 'We need to talk.' I walked to her. She looked scared shitless. I grabbed her hand and lifted her off the bed quickly, yanking her arm in a hurtful motion.

'OWW!' She grabbed at her hurting arm with her other arm, and screamed out.

'Don't make me hurt you more. I don't want to.' I said. She tried to get away from me. I brought the knife around and showed it to her. She stopped. 'Good girl.'

'You… you're going to kill me, aren't you!'

'Maybe… maybe not!' I laughed out. I dragged her unwilling body to the basement door, and down that never fucking ending stair case! God damn! Her body was fucking heavy, and her pulling away from me wasn't helping much to get her down the stairs. Not to mention that all the while I had to hold the knife in front of her eyes to keep her in check.

I couldn't stand holding her hand, but I had to. I had to, to get her down to the room where I wanted her. It was on the fourth floor under, and it had a lovely contraption in it, with lots of straps, and needles, and some blades. I hadn't used that one either. I had been waiting for the right time to use it. Now seemed the appropriate time.

When we got to the room, she had passed out. It was easier to get her into the harnesses, so, I liked the fact that she was unconscious. I sat on the floor, and waited for her to wake up. And waited, and waited. Finally, she woke up. Her eyes looked foggy. She looked scared. Not as scared as she had before.

'Where… am I?' She asked.

'You're on one of the lower levels. In a contraption I found a few weeks ago. Comfortable?' I asked. She looked around groggily, and sighed.

'Not really, but I suppose you are not going to let me out…'

'Nope.'

'Okay…' She said.

'So… Why, my dearest lover, best friend, confident of mine, do you want this lovely thing to end?' I asked.

'I am not quite sure… I just find that you have changed into something that couldn't really be you.' She said.

'What?' I asked. I held the blade that I had brought with me to the light, and looked at it with fascination.

'Like that.'

'What? This blade?' I pointed at the blade. 'Oh, this thing? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA… You must be kidding me.'

'No, I am not.'

'Huh?'

'You are trying to kill me.'

'No, I have you restrained so you don't leave. I need to talk to you. And I am afraid that if you aren't restrained, that you will run away when I tell you the things you are about to hear.'

'Hmm… Interesting logic… But understandable. But is the knife needed?'

'No… I guess not…'

…Yes, it is.. The blade IS needed, damnit!…

…D-Boy.. Is it really that needed here, at this time?…

…YES EFF!…

…Nny, boy, keep the blade…

…But, she doesn't like it…

…Deal…

…Fuck you…

'Johnny?' I looked at up at her. She looked down at me. I could stand to see her restrained in one of my contraptions. It scared me that I had thought of killing her in it only moments before. I moved to let her out.

…STOP RIGHT THERE!…

…Huh?…

…What do you think you are doing, Johnny?…

…Letting her go?…

…KILL HER! She hurt you! She made you feel like shit, you should kill her, like all the others!…

…There were only a few…

…One hundred…

…That many?…

'Johnny?' She asked again. I stepped away from her.

'Goodnight.' And I left the room.

'JOHNNY! YOU GET BACK HERE RIGHT NOW! TALK TO ME YOU FUCKING BASTARD! THIS BEHAVIOUR IS GETTING VERY… WACKY!' I stopped. I twitched all over. I turned to the door and walked back in.

'What did you just say?' I asked, picking up my knife, and walking towards her slowly.

'You are getting wacky, Johnny. Going crazy.' She said.

'That word.' I said. I really did hate that word, and she knew it. She fucking knew it!

'What?'

'THAT WORD!' I yelled at her. I pressed a button on the machine. It started to rev up. She screamed as one of the blades pierced her arm quickly. 'I HATE THAT WORD!'

'Stop Johnny, stop, please!' She screamed out.

…Keep going, Johnny C. Keep going, keep going…

'STOP!' She yelled. Her voice brought me back. I looked around, confused.

'Lee!' I looked at her, and pressed the button. It stopped. She looked at me, and cried. I let her down. She flopped into my arms, and I carried her back up all those stairs.

It was a few hours until she woke again. She was laying on the bed; I had bandaged her up. Her eyes fluttered open. When she saw me staring at her, she screamed loudly, and huddled in the corner.

'GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!' She yelled at me. I stared at her again.

'I'm… sorry.' I said. 'But… you need to leave. Forever.'

'What?' She stopped her sobbing, and incoherent yelling, and looked at me.

'Leave. Go away. Get your own house. Live there. Get married. Have a family. It isn't what I am destined for. I am not meant to love, or be loved.' I said. I grabbed the bloody knife on my desk, and eyed it lovingly.

'What do you mean? You loved me yesterday.'

'I thought I did.'

'What about last year?'

'Last year? Hah. Funny. I hadn't fully changed last year. I am not sure if I am fully changed right now… All I know is that you cant stay here. But I have to. So you need to go.' She stood from the bed.

'Johnny…' She reached for me.

'DON'T TOUCH ME! You filthy thing… I don't need your disease!' I took a step back from her, and backed into the wall. She took another step closer to me, and I swept the knife in front of me.

'Stop.' She said. I didn't listen.

'Don't touch me.' I said.

'Fine, I wont. Just don't slice me up.' She said, smiling.

'I will try not to.' I said. She sat on the side of the bed close to me, and I leaned against the wall.

'You want me gone? Is it you… or them?' She asked.

'Both.' I said. She turned away.

'Oh…'

'Lee… I loved you. I just got so sick of people. Sick of the human race degrading itself by loving, and feeling, and being what they are… That I cant stand to be what I am right now, so I just want… everything that reminds me of my sheer humanity… to just die. Go away. Fade.' I said. I dropped the knife. It clanked to the floor. She stood, and walked to the door.

'I'll come back tomorrow to get my stuff… See you… Nny.' She said. And she was gone. Just like that… Gone.

Now you know my life. How I came to hate touching people so much, how I came by my house and my somewhat… insane addiction to killing people who I think deserve it. What do you think about that? You wanted to know… Didn't you?"

"Yeah… I did. What happened to Lee?"

"She came back… The next day…"

"Oh… Did you kill her?"

"No, I wasn't home."

"Okay…" Aimee said. She looked around the room. It was dull, drab, but okay. She liked it. To think, the girl she had just heard about had slept in the same room, possibly on the same sheets she was sitting on.

"I am always afraid of seeing her around… I know she knows I still live here. She is too afraid to see me, I guess… I did try to kill her…"

"You tried to kill me too."

"You're different."

"How so?"

"I don't know… I tried thinking of something witty… but I cant. You just are." He said. She laughed.

"Yeah… I guess I am really different than she was. She couldn't grow and change with you. I am already there." She said under her breath. He looked at her.

"Wanna go get a Brain-Freezy?"

"Why not."


End file.
